Oh, bittersweet season,
leaving me twisting and turning,
as I ride the holiday emotional roller coaster.
The 4 AM awakenings, wrapped in darkness,
with the tears ready to spill.
Longing to drift back to sleep,
but not wanting to dream of those I miss.
Waking with a heavy heart as Christmas
creeps ever closer, filled with memories
of family traditions and celebrations,
gone, not to be repeated.
Yet, there are moments in the day
when I find respite from the heartache.
I step into my improv space,
where I can leave this world behind
and be someone else for a little while.
Delight replaces sorrow as I watch
my wonderful community creating
fun characters, the sound of their laughter
is a soothing balm to my soul.
Or picking up my paintbrush,
losing myself as I transform a blank page
into something that never existed before.
I’ve learned to navigate the two worlds
of loss and life, carrying those who’ve
gone before me in my heart
as I discover a new path on my own.
Tag: Grief
-
Bittersweet Season
-
Whispers of the Soul
I see you in the shadows cast by the sun through the leaves,
in the ethereal clouds gliding along the blue sky.
I feel you in the soft breeze of the butterfly’s wings,
in that wisps of air that envelopes me.
You speak to me in the soft summer rain
and the birdsong that greets me in the morning.
Your spirit, no longer confined by skin and bones,
or the weight of physical and psychic pain,
is finally free of the false snares that held you to this earth.
And though I miss your physical presence
-the warmth of your arms around me,
my hand safely held in yours, the sound of your voice-
I know one day I will walk through the veil
that separates you from me, and we will journey forward. -
Extraordinary Power of Everyday Moments
For Mike
Because love is about the small everyday moments that we share,
the pain of your absence was especially severe in
the early minutes, hours, days, months and years after you died.
The song you wrote that first captured my heart.
How I fit so neatly into your embrace,
especially in the mornings when we met in the kitchen for breakfast.
The way that you shaved my legs when my pregnant
belly made that task an impossibility.
Your words of encouragement when I’d try something new,
believing in me when I didn’t have faith in myself.
How we were partners in running the house,
each bringing our special talents so no one carried all the weight.
You were my companion in parenting our kids,
never shying away from dirty diapers or vomiting children.
Even wringing out the cloth diapers that had been soaking
in bleach before putting them in the wash.
Being my person to run things by, even if I knew what I wanted to do.
It was nice not to have to make every decision alone.
The way that only you could wash the laundry,
so that the clothes felt just right.
Going to concerts together.
Quiet evenings at home watching our favorite shows.
The sense of humor and inside jokes we shared.
The list goes on of these extraordinary ordinary moments
that I miss so much about you. -
The Gift I Didn’t Ask For
I sat slumped on the floor,
the wrapping torn off the box.
As I reached inside,
I already knew that I didn’t want this present,
but there was a no return policy stapled to the gift.Who was the giver that would lay
such a heavy unwanted inheritance
for me to carry with me
as I wander the world for the rest of my days.The giver sits next to me,
wrapping one arm around my shoulder
as their other hand wipes away
the tears that run down my cheeks.“Dear one,” they say,
“I know that this present feels like a curse,
and you’d rather that I’d disappear with it,
leaving your world unshaken.”“But grief is interwoven with the love that preceded it
like a finely knitted sweater.
The tattered garment that you now possess
is the love that remains.”I pulled the sweater to my heart,
rubbing the holes that plague this once intact garment,
knowing that my body will learn to adjust to the chill that the holes let in,
while the rest of the sweater will warm me with your memories and love. -
Meet Me Under The Blood Moon
For Mike
I wrestled the camera onto the tripod,
preparing for the appearance of the blood red moon.
I traipsed in and out of the house,
making sure the camera base fit tightly to the stand,
gathering extra batteries so I could capture the moment
and adding layers of clothing
to keep me warm from the bitter night air.
Finally, everything was set,
and I could enjoy the celestial drama.What I found as I tilted my head upwards in between shots
was a wave of peace washing over me.
On this day when you died thirteen years ago
you felt so close in this otherworldly expanse of time and space.
As the red shadow floated next to the dazzling moon
it was like we were dancing in the sky.
And though I can no longer feel your arms around me
or hear you speak my name,
at that moment, I knew that you were somewhere,
just out of reach, watching over me from another horizon.
Beautiful Bittersweet Life Poems 