Tag: coping with grief

The Brain and Grief

Buried deep within the Mariana Trench of my mind
stirs the deep grief that only dislodges itself
during the darkness of night
in the dreams that haunt my sleep,
leaving me worn and broken in the morning light.
In the recesses and crevices, you are alive again,
healthy and strong,
only to be swept away by the reality
that you are still dead.
And so, the waves flow back and forth,
alive and dead, alive and dead,
my mind trying to convince my heart
the truth it cannot bear to believe.

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The origins of this poem came from the dreams I had one night about my parents, who died in 2022, six months apart. One or the other would be alive and doing something with me, only to have the realization come crashing in that they were dead. There were also dreams of my childhood home being sold and having to let go.

Death dreams started after my paternal grandfather died. Unlike when Mike and my parents died, these were more short-lived, as my mind incorporated the reality of his death quickly. Part of this was because I didn’t see him as frequently due to where I lived. Another big difference was that my relationships with Mike and my parents were deeper. There is no rhyme or reason for when these dreams occur. I’ve dreamt more about Mike in the past couple of years than in the beginning, though that could be because I don’t remember much about that time. Sometimes they are lovely dreams, while others are about unresolved conflicts.

Regardless of what happens in the dreams or how much I enjoy life, the grief and missing are always stored away in my brain, as it tries to reconcile the reality of death.