Traditions change as time moves on.
From the magical mornings of childhood,
Standing at the top of the stairs,
Waiting for the sheet to be pulled down
That would reveal the awaiting presents under the lit tree.
Teenage years met with the blasé response
That occurs with the knowledge of who has
left the presents
And the angst of adolescence.
How fresh the season felt as we celebrated
Our first Christmas as a married couple.
Watching holiday movies and shows,
Our tree decked out, carols playing.
Celebrating our joy together, alone,
Before spending time with family.
With the birth of our children brought a new enchantment
as we saw the excitement of Christmas through their eyes.
They’d wait at the top of the stairs,
Like when I was a child,
Their little bodies vibrate with anticipation
Of what Santa left.
This is the before world,
The world that I could make sense of.
The one where you were still with me.
Thirteen years have passed since we celebrated
Our last Christmas,
Not knowing it would be our last.
Those first years were brutal,
From Thanksgiving until the new year
My body ached with missing you.
Tears came easily as the decorations and music
That once brought delight
Now were hollow and painful.
I’d avert my eyes as I’d get groceries
From the festive lights and messages of joy and togetherness,
but I could not block out the singers blaring from the speakers
through the aisles, with their empty promises of Christmas peace.
Our family traditions changed.
What once was Christmas Eve
Dinner around the dining table
was replaced with dinner
At a local restaurant,
No reminders of Christmas past.
With time, the pain eased, though never erased.
Every year, no matter how well I think I’m doing,
The grief hits me during December, and I’m
Still surprised by the ache. This was your favorite season,
When you found the most peace.
Now, I live alone.
I get to choose how I observe Christmas.
The decorations are minimal, the baking has been reduced.
Christmas Eve and day are celebrated with my found families.
I still wear the last Christmas gift you gave me,
A silver Mobius strip on a chain.
It reads, “I love you. I love you more.”
The message of love and connection
That is never-ending.
Category: Self Expression
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13 Christmases
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Right on Time
So many times, I feel I’ve
Arrived late to the party.
Discovering a play or music,
Only to find out that it’s been around for ages.
But was I really late
Or was it the exact right time?
When I needed a change in direction,
a new path to follow when the old road was no longer available.
When my mind and heart we’re ready to explore this new opportunity.
As I’ve had to deal with new challenges, I have found joy in
The talents that I did not know existed, the possibilities of a new me.
Being open has allowed me to work within my limitations and find that
There’s still so much more to experience
If I’m willing to be open to this imperfect messy life. -
The Cliffs of Meáin
(Inspired by the colossal waves that crash against the cliffs
of Meáin, Ireland reel by @hardwire_media on Instagram.)I stand steadfast along the shore
My limestone walls towering over the water,
facing the onslaught of colossal waves.
They crash repeatedly against my sides,
Carving me, changing me.
They seek the fossils that lie inside of me,
The secret tale of how I have stayed standing after
Their ferocious attacks.
I used to resist their merciless assaults,
Crying out why, why, why.
They did not heed my call,
But continued their battery
Until one day, I stopped asking.
Instead, I breathed deeply while they
Retreated for a moment’s rest
And looked at who I’ve become.
The rough surfaces that once held the pain so near
Have been smoothed over
Softened by the salty water,
Leaving room for love to burst out to meet their force.
I will stand and be shaped, no longer resisting.
Instead, I will welcome this life, knowing that
I have the strength to weather the storm.
Beautiful Bittersweet Life Poems 