In the darkness of the night,
when my body wants nothing more than to sleep,
I awake to the quiet of my room,
Alone, lonely, tears forming in my eyes.
Unprovoked by dreams,
the sadness shows up,
an unwelcome friend that
doesn’t get the hint they weren’t invited
and it’s time to leave.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay to cry,” they say.
“Not at 4 in the morning!” I shout,
as I try to lull myself back to sleep.
“Okay,” they answer, “I’ll see you later.”
And they evaporate just like the
tears that had escaped.
And I managed to drift off until
the morning light filters through the window.
As promised, they meet me as I open my eyes,
gently stroking my face, reminding me
that the tears will always come,
but so will the joy and laughter.
“It’s because you love, my darling,
that you must feel it all.”
Category: Grief
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Night Tears
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Never Enough Time
Tonight, my heart aches for you,
as your absence stretches out like the universe.
Where memories of you are as numerous as the stars,
but your presence is forever out of reach.
You were my strength and font of wisdom
when I felt lost and scared.
No trip was too long to take to help me out,
my road warrior who loved to be behind the wheel.
You held me tight when I was young,
protective of your brood of children.
I still remember the tears on my cheeks
when you would leave us at camp
to return to work for the week.
How I wish I could sit by your side
just one more time and hear the love in your voice,
the joy you had recounting your many adventures.
But one more time would never be enough.
So, I trek through this world,
buoyed by the love you infused in me.
I carry you with me wherever I go,
sharing stories with people who didn’t
have the good fortune to know you.
But then there will be days like this,
when my body isn’t working right
and I’m hollowed out, that I’ll
long to hear you say, “Hey, Jen. It’s dad.
I’ll talk to you later.” -
We Are All Connected
As the news showed the images
of the devastation of the midair crash in DC
followed by a jet crash in Philadelphia two days later,
my heart ached for the lives that were cut short,
and for their family and friends who were
entering a nightmare not of their choosing.
Having lived through the sudden death of my husband,
the life I knew was altered, unrecognizable
as my heart lay on the floor, shattered.
No longer could I see the tragedies of the world
as numbers, but as individuals whose lives
would never be the same again.
For it was in my awakening from the searing pain of grief,
that I recognized all of humanity is intertwined.
That we are meant to be with each other,
holding each other in compassion.
I couldn’t sit on the sidelines
in the face of others’ pain,
whether it was from the death of a loved one
or other losses caused by unforeseen life changes.
I knew I couldn’t take away their agony,
but I could share the gifts I had,
hoping to bring some comfort,
no matter how small. -
She Lives in Me
For Mom
I breathe in your essence,
what you’ve infused into my soul.
I miss your embrace and the sound of your voice.
And yet, I feel you walking beside me.
It’s the light in my eyes when I
lead with curiosity, whether it’s meeting new people
or trying new experiences.
Your childlike wonder showed me
how to explore the world.
The willingness to make mistakes and fall,
knowing that I would rise again.
You taught me to laugh at myself,
to laugh with others, but not at them.
I miss when you’d say,
“I’m so proud of you.
You reinvented yourself.
You could have just given up,
but you kept going.”
Those words were uplifting,
reminding me that I found a way to live
in the face of grief and trials.
I never minded
as your memory faded
to hear those precious words on repeat
until they disappeared as well.
The gift of encouragement,
especially on days
that are overwhelming and exhausting,
still resound in my head.
It is also a reminder to pay it forward,
telling those I love how proud I am of them,
hoping to spread your warmth
that you left in my keeping. -
Strange Bed Fellows
How they walk, hand in hand,
forever intertwined,
grief and joy,
never knowing who will pop up.
The inexplicable joy that starts
at the crinkles of your eyes caused
by the curving of your lips
as they turn upwards in a smile.
It is the warm, tingly feeling in your chest
as your heart celebrates your friend’s good fortune
or the beauty that surrounds you.
The ecstasy shines out from your body
with the strength of the summer sun.
And you think this bliss will last forever,
only to have grief roar in
with the ferocity of a winter blizzard,
causing whiteout conditions
that make it hard to navigate
what once was a breezy, clear day.
The wind will chill your weary soul
as it grasps to find its footing.
The weight will come,
crashing down on your chest,
making it hard to breathe.
Your eyes will glisten with tears,
as the river spills down your cheeks.
Looking up from the valley floor,
you wonder once again,
“How will I ever get back to the top of the hill?”
And the amazing thing is this all
can happen within minutes of each other.
So, you learn to hold each hand with gentleness,
knowing that love has knit them together
as part of the bargain of living.
Beautiful Bittersweet Life Poems 