Oh, bittersweet season,
leaving me twisting and turning,
as I ride the holiday emotional roller coaster.
The 4 AM awakenings, wrapped in darkness,
with the tears ready to spill.
Longing to drift back to sleep,
but not wanting to dream of those I miss.
Waking with a heavy heart as Christmas
creeps ever closer, filled with memories
of family traditions and celebrations,
gone, not to be repeated.
Yet, there are moments in the day
when I find respite from the heartache.
I step into my improv space,
where I can leave this world behind
and be someone else for a little while.
Delight replaces sorrow as I watch
my wonderful community creating
fun characters, the sound of their laughter
is a soothing balm to my soul.
Or picking up my paintbrush,
losing myself as I transform a blank page
into something that never existed before.
I’ve learned to navigate the two worlds
of loss and life, carrying those who’ve
gone before me in my heart
as I discover a new path on my own.
Category: Grief and Joy
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Bittersweet Season
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Life’s Unscripted Journey
I thought life was a play,
with the script composed
for the role I was to inhabit.
Designated stage directions
were set for me to follow
for my life to work out seamlessly.
All that was required was for me to
hit my assigned marks:
education, career, marriage, children,
for the production to be a success.
But others refused to
perform their parts,
changing the scene,
or departing before the play was finished,
leaving me floundering
on the boards, alone.
It took time for me to realize
that life had always been improv:
unscripted, hard turns, unpredictable.
I never had control of the narrative,
which caused needless suffering
in the light of the pain that is a part of existing.
Until I let go of demanding that my life
followed a script was I truly free
to find joy in the unknowing.
It taught me that every moment
was saying “yes, and” to whatever entered my life. -
Relentless Appreciation
Finding Joy After Loss
When the heart breaks open from the searing pain of
unbearable loss and the walls crumble to the ground,
the unimaginable happens:
relentless appreciation for what is left behind.
It streams from my soul with the force of a tsunami.
My love for those I meet in person and online has grown,
and I feel joy when I spend time in their presence.
My soul is filled with peace as I traverse the garden path,
captivated by the beauty of the flowering plants
and the perfumed, soaked air they create.
I watch the flying creatures with fascination as they busy themselves finding food and building homes.
I love the sound of birdsong, whether I’m wandering outside
or enjoying their symphony from inside my home.
For knowing there is but a short time
between birth and death, I breathe in deeply
all that life has to offer me. -
Rising From The Ashes
I was sure that the ashes of the life that I had
before my husband died would bury me alive.
The dull embers of what was left behind,
were threatened with extinction by the weight of grief
that encompassed my soul,
making each step, each decision exhausting,
as I traveled this world without my partner.And yet, with time and tears, the weight began to lift
as I reentered life.
No longer the woman I was,
for she will never exist again.
Instead, I had to find another me,
with memories of my previous life
serving as an anchor,
and sails to set me on my new course.If I had made a vision board,
none of the endeavors I would try
would have been within the scope of my imagination.
It was only when I was willing to say yes to life,
full of trepidation and anxiety, my world began to grow.
With each new adventure, I gained confidence.
My mantra became, “I’ve already lived through the
most painful episode in my life, how can anything be worse?”
The grief was still a companion,
but so was the joy of learning to be creative,
which has provided the most healing
for my broken heart. -
Never Enough Time
Tonight, my heart aches for you,
as your absence stretches out like the universe.
Where memories of you are as numerous as the stars,
but your presence is forever out of reach.
You were my strength and font of wisdom
when I felt lost and scared.
No trip was too long to take to help me out,
my road warrior who loved to be behind the wheel.
You held me tight when I was young,
protective of your brood of children.
I still remember the tears on my cheeks
when you would leave us at camp
to return to work for the week.
How I wish I could sit by your side
just one more time and hear the love in your voice,
the joy you had recounting your many adventures.
But one more time would never be enough.
So, I trek through this world,
buoyed by the love you infused in me.
I carry you with me wherever I go,
sharing stories with people who didn’t
have the good fortune to know you.
But then there will be days like this,
when my body isn’t working right
and I’m hollowed out, that I’ll
long to hear you say, “Hey, Jen. It’s dad.
I’ll talk to you later.”
Beautiful Bittersweet Life Poems 