Beautiful Bittersweet Life Poems

Exploring the world of life and grief through poetry.

Category: Finding Me

  • Embracing Imperfection

    Embracing Imperfection

    “Perfect is the enemy of good,” attributed to Voltaire

    How did that sneaky voice slip into my head,
    telling me that perfection was attainable?
    Was it years of hearing, “practice makes perfect”
    that stopped me in my tracks when I longed to
    break out of the expected,
    keeping me caged in conformity?
    Could it have been apprehension
    of what other people might think or say?
    It was a slow journey,
    fighting against self-doubt and feelings of not enough.
    I walked with discomfort as I forged ahead
    on this uncharted path.
    Sometimes the vines of uncertainty
    would wrap around me, wanting me to stay put.
    Soon, they held no sway over me,
    and fell to the wayside.
    When I began to let go
    of the noise in my head that sought to contain me,
    I found a fearless voice waiting to sing,
    the shining me that had been there all along.

  • To Bloom Again

    To Bloom Again

    I push against the soil,
    as I seek once again to bloom,
    to feel the warmth of the sun
    upon my sprouts that have laid dormant, buried
    in the depths of the earth.
    My buds creep out into light
    longing to be infused by its energy
    with the vitality that I once took for granted.
    I feel the gentle embrace of the spring breeze,
    beckoning me to relax the petals,
    and open again to the possibilities of living.

  • Letting Go, Finding Freedom

    Letting Go, Finding Freedom

    “Letting go is what keeps you alive.” Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, from “When Living on a Tiny Island.”

    I squeezed my hands so tight that my knuckles turned white,
    leaving red moon crescents imprinted on my palms.
    Hoping that I could stop time,
    and everything that lay ahead of me.
    How foolish to think that I had so much power.
    And yet, that was my habit,
    the insanity that I had always employed
    with no success.
    It took time to release my death grip,
    learning from the wisdom of others
    that the only influence that I possessed
    was over my own behaviors and thoughts.
    Frankly, my brain can still be
    the most dangerous neighborhood to visit.
    When I slowly let go of that which I couldn’t control,
    my body began to relax, and I could breathe again.
    I learned that love was holding people in my heart,
    no matter what our relationship was.
    Giving them the dignity to follow their own path
    freed me to follow mine.

  • Rising From The Ashes

    Rising From The Ashes

    I was sure that the ashes of the life that I had
    before my husband died would bury me alive.
    The dull embers of what was left behind,
    were threatened with extinction by the weight of grief
    that encompassed my soul,
    making each step, each decision exhausting,
    as I traveled this world without my partner.

    And yet, with time and tears, the weight began to lift
    as I reentered life.
    No longer the woman I was,
    for she will never exist again.
    Instead, I had to find another me,
    with memories of my previous life
    serving as an anchor,
    and sails to set me on my new course.

    If I had made a vision board,
    none of the endeavors I would try
    would have been within the scope of my imagination.
    It was only when I was willing to say yes to life,
    full of trepidation and anxiety, my world began to grow.
    With each new adventure, I gained confidence.
    My mantra became, “I’ve already lived through the
    most painful episode in my life, how can anything be worse?”
    The grief was still a companion,
    but so was the joy of learning to be creative,
    which has provided the most healing
    for my broken heart.

  • Stumbled Upon: Embracing Life’s Unplanned Adventures

    Stumbled Upon: Embracing Life’s Unplanned Adventures

    When I sit down to write my autobiography,
    I will title it Stumbled Upon.
    For it is this unplanned life
    that sent me veering onto a path
    of unimaginable adventures.
    Often, I was catapulted by a lifequake*,
    brought on by the death of my husband,
    which left me adrift.
    And yet, I somehow found my footing.
    The steps were heavy amid the grief,
    but I kept walking and my steps grew lighter.
    Photography became a saving grace,
    as a continued bond to my husband,
    and kept me in the present moment
    when my eye was focused in the viewfinder.
    From capturing the beauty of nature to
    going to bars, something I hadn’t done since I was in my twenties,
    to photograph musicians as they played
    opened a forgotten part of my life that brought
    me both joy and finding kind people I call friends.
    By using my photography email, I ended up
    being the photographer for the Phoenix Film Festival.
    I’d never done event photography,
    but my saying yes to the unknown
    opened the world of independent films,
    filmmakers, and new friendships
    with festival attendees and volunteers.
    All these experiences led me to participate in
    a storytelling event on how my life had come
    full circle with my husband, photography and music.
    I stood on a stage where I had spent so many
    hours capturing musicians at work,
    sharing my story by heart
    with a few butterflies stirring in my stomach.
    As time goes on, and I adjust
    to my body’s capabilities,
    I have found new ways to feed the creative beast that lives within.
    Now, I spend my days expressing myself with art and improv.
    The beauty of letting go of a planned life
    is the richness that I never imagined
    and the communities that I have become a part of.

    *Lifequakes is a term coined by Bruce Feiler in his book Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age

    Photo credit: Neil Schwartz